Toxic. Unhealthy. Dysfunctional. Wanting to make your relationship work is why you are here, thinking about couples counseling. But maybe your spouse or partner hasn’t realized yet that the relationship is not healthy.
It can be difficult to recognize when you are in an unhealthy relationship. Knowing these signs might help:
your mate is emotionally unavailable
she doesn’t respect you
there is no communication
your partner never has time for you unless he wants something from you – i.e. money, sex
your plans always involve what your spouse wants to do – visit her family, pursue his hobbies
Any one of these signs in your relationship can make you feel miserable and unhappy. So why do you stay?
There are lots of reasons, some of them are just as unhealthy as the ones listed above. Co-dependency – which is being unassertive about your own needs and feeling like you need permission – can be one reason. Or maybe you think this kind of treatment is what you deserve, and fear it will end your relationship if you rock the boat. Maybe you’ve just never seen a good relationship in action, and aren’t sure what they are supposed to look like. But, you know what? These are not good reasons to stay in an unhealthy relationship, either.
Or maybe it’s more complicated. Maybe you may stay because you have children, or your partner has health issues and you would feel like you would be abandoning if you left now.
So sure, there are tons of reasons why you stay in a relationship that is not healthy and fulfilling. But is that really the best thing to do? I can coach you through some self-reflection exercises to help you see your real motives and what it is you are really needing.
Odds are, you may have a pattern of these types of issues in relationships that are causing vicious cycles in your life and affecting you in other ways. Wouldn’t you like to find a way to break free from unhealthy relationships and start having the life you want?
The main reason you should stay in a relationship should be love. Even in unhealthy relationships, if love is still present, steps can be made to make it better. You may feel like things have been this way for so long, that your relationship could never change or be better. It may feel impossible but it can happen.
As a couples counselor, I can help you learn how to bring balance into your relationship and take the needed steps to take your relationship from unhealthy to healthy. I can work with you as a couple - or provide one-on-one counseling. I am a firm believer that even when one person makes significant change in themselves, it can cause a positive change in the couple.
If there is still a foundation of love, we can work on repairing the damage and build a new foundation.
If you have already left the relationship, you would be wise to work on yourself so you don’t repeat previous mistakes. Working on yourself first is one of the best things you can do for your future relationships and I will gladly help you. We tend to make the same mistakes over and over in a relationship. I can help you break those repeated patterns and can offer you skills to bring to the relationship table in the future.
As a relational life therapist, I can teach you how to understand the past influences on your relationships and how to effectively ask for what you need. Having this knowledge about yourself is so empowering – and going forward, you’ll know how to get your needs met and make your relationship work for everyone.
Having a happy, healthy relationship is something everyone deserves and I can help you take steps towards that goal. Let’s get started today.