Find Your Own “50 Shades of Grey”

Roberta Gallagher expert couples counselor

The movie version of E.L. James novel, “50 Shades of Grey” hits the theaters in time for Valentine’s Day. When the novel first came out a few years ago, it helped unlock a lot of women’s hidden fantasies and sparked a revival in their sex life. Silk ties and handcuffs became common place in the bedroom and couples started experimenting a little more.

You don’t have to re-create the scenes in the book to spice things up, but there are ways to find what you like. One of the worst things that can kill the passion in a relationship is getting stuck in a rut sexually. Familiarity and routine can breed staleness in the bedroom. Every marriage goes through those dry spells but it doesn’t have to be the norm and there are a lot of ways to overcome it.

Flirting with your spouse helps remind them you find them attractive and hopefully, they will return the teasing. Don’t be afraid to be playful either. Tell your husband you aren’t wearing underwear when you are out in public or do something completely out of character for you can put the spice back into your sex life.

The teasing can be the best part. Leave your wife or partner naughty notes telling her what you want to do to her. Send him sexy text messages like you did when you were dating. Enjoy this aspect of intimacy. Let the anticipation draw out the experience. The more anticipation, the more pleasure.

If you don’t feel comfortable doing the things in “50 Shades” – and not everyone does – find out what you would like to do. Talk about your fantasies with your partner.

Is there something you’ve always wanted to do, or try, but didn’t know how to bring it up? Tell your partner – or even better, show them!

Would you like to try being blindfolded? Or would you like for your partner to cover you with chocolate? You may be surprised to find they have fantasies they want to share with you. By sharing, you can learn what each other is wanting to try and can reach a new level of intimacy together.

Role playing and being intimate in a different environment can also help you reignite your passion. By pretending to be someone else, it helps you to break out of your everyday persona and be someone different than who you are every day. It helps free your inhibitions and allows you to do things you otherwise may not be comfortable doing.

Sex is not always something to be serious – it is two people expressing their emotion and is completely natural. It is also an important part of the relationship that often gets lost in the familiarity of everyday life. By reigniting your sex life, you can reconnect with your spouse and reach a new level of intimacy.

It is common for couples to not be able to talk about their fantasies and sexual needs. Couples counseling can help you learn how to talk to one another about your sexual needs. Communication is a key factor in just about every aspect of your relationship, including your sex life, and I can help you learn how to talk to one another about this.

Talking about sex doesn’t have to feel awkward or uncomfortable. It is the most natural thing in the world -- and with counseling, you can learn how to talk to your spouse about your fantasies.

To find out how to keep your spark alive, call me today for your free consultation today.

#sexlife #intimacy #couplescounseling

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