Guest blogger © 2013 Deah Curry PhD
Do you ever keep your New Year’s Resolutions? Me neither. Often that’s because they are too idealistic, or made about things we think we should do to be a better, healthier, person.
Then a few weeks later we call it spiritual enlightenment to forgive our own flaws and accept ourselves just the way we are. Ooops, there goes that diet we never wanted to be on anyway.
Even those of us who pride ourselves on keeping our word in business or to friends, have trouble keeping promises we make to ourselves. Life happens, and stress reduction means letting go of that expensive and little used gym membership.
So I had an idea – what if between now and New Year’s you sat down with your partner and took an inventory of 3 or 5 or 10 specific ways you each really, truly, heart- and mindfully want to be for each other? And what if you imagined together how exactly you will start trying to do that?
For example, Julio might deeply want to be a better husband – and what that means to him is that he comes home after work instead of heading to the bar with the guys from work. His wife Lucinda agrees that she’d be delighted with that idea.
And Lucinda deeply wants to be more sexually assertive with Julio – and what that means to her is to break through shyness about what feels pleasureable and tell Julio exactly what she likes. Julio thinks that an excellent plan.
Expressing what you deeply want with your partner can create a stronger relationship. You’ll be standing together in the magic of emotionally intimate vulnerability. And you’ll be aligning your needs with meeting the needs of your partner.
In coaching we talk about accountability, which is another way of saying, following through on your intended plans so that you can be living the life you really want. Accountability works best when you have a partner, giving feedback and helping to remind you why you are making the effort you’ve started.
So couples, what do you deeply want in your relationship? Talk it over, and decide how to support each other it making it happen.
Deah Curry PhD is a retired psychotherapist now practicing as a spiritual counselor, business coach for solopreneurs, and psychological astrologer.