Blog Tips for Couples | Roberta Gallagher LCSW, LMFT

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Anxiety / Depression – That Dark Cloud Over Your Relationship

If you suffer from anxiety or depression, you know how isolated these disorders can make you feel. With anxiety, you are overwhelmed with worries and fears that control you. Depression makes it hard to do even simple, everyday tasks. These problems are difficult enough if you are single, but when you are in a relationship, it can sometimes be even harder. Depending on how long you’ve been together as a couple, you may still be struggling with opening up about your illness. Or

Pitfalls of Trying to Fill the Void Within

A common mistake people make is thinking another person will complete them. You feel a void in your life and fill it with the wrong kind of relationships. You may bounce from one relationship to another, looking for someone to make you happy, but never connect. Love can definitely make life more full, but as a couple's counselor, I can tell you the wrong kind of relationship can exacerbate the problem. Even if you are with someone who can be a good partner, you can't be becau

Ending a Relationship with Grace and Gravitas

© 2014 Roberta Gallagher There are many reasons relationship have ended for me. Primarily I knew it was over for me. I wasn’t concerned that it was not over for the other person. As a matter of emotional survival I had to move on. In retrospect I can see through the prism of professional and personal experiences that ending relationships can be accomplished with kindness and understanding. Although this is rare, it is possible. In the various articles I have read on this to

What You Need to Know about Caring vs. Codependence

Copyright 2014 Roberta Gallagher Prior to the 1970’s the term co-dependency did not exist. The 70’s was a groundbreaking time in mental health. The great minds of the time were against labeling human beings. I agreed and still do. And yet, maturity is the ability to hold two views (paradox) and see the truth in each. Judge for yourself. The benefit of creating diagnoses is in creating a way of seeing a group of symptoms so people can identify when help is needed. In addition,

Women on the Rise -- Breaking Stereotypes

Copyright 2014 Roberta Gallagher Have you ever noticed that most self-help books are aimed at women? Are we so helpless, unassertive, needy, and codependent that we require so much advice? Or are we more open to think in new ways and not afraid to think we need help? There appears to be a social issue underlying all of this. I have always been interested in making a difference but as a woman growing up in the 1950s the messages around me said I was to be a housewife and stay

The Art of Apology -- a 4 Step Process

Copyright 2014 by Roberta Gallagher My Mother’s first apology occurred when I was around 50. I never realized she hadn’t until she did. I started to think back and wondered what it was like as a child to always believe you are wrong. How could that be? My Mom also said “Always listen to your mother because she is always right.” The answer is, if you are always right there is never a need for an apology. As I developed, I always doubted myself. I did not start choosing my own

Social Media & Texting -- Modern Face of Betrayal?

The facts are that 50% of men and women who admit to cheating use social media sites and online chat rooms in their affairs. Facebook has become notorious for connecting up people who dated in high school and now many years later– and not satisfied with their relationships – rekindle old feelings. Forty-five year old Janet came to me devastated. She had discovered that her husband had a secret phone and was contacting an old girlfriend. The texts she found were intimate. When

Don't Settle. Be Strong

A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. ~Richard Bach If this is true, why do so many of us settle for anythin

Being Seen, Heard & Cherished

I found a wonderful prayer for this year. I invite you to print this out, post it in your home where you will see it everyday, reflect on its wonderful message, and internalize it. “My wish for you is that you are held, witnessed and appreciated for all that you are in a way that heals all the times that you weren’t. May you be totally seen…, heard, and cherished. “May you be so adored, that all your hurt and longing is forever washed away in a flood of endless love, flowin

Silver Linings and Simples Pleasures

I have been thinking about how and what I want to write about in 2014. And here’s what I’ve realized, dear readers — you have been most responsive when I write about my personal experience. To do that I have to dig deep and expose not only my passion for life but my struggles. It’s similar to what I ask of you in counseling. I am no different than any of you out there. I share with you writings that inspire me because I want to inspire you. I have no difficulty in expressing

New Year’s Resolutions Couples Deeply Want

Guest blogger © 2013 Deah Curry PhD Do you ever keep your New Year’s Resolutions? Me neither. Often that’s because they are too idealistic, or made about things we think we should do to be a better, healthier, person. Then a few weeks later we call it spiritual enlightenment to forgive our own flaws and accept ourselves just the way we are. Ooops, there goes that diet we never wanted to be on anyway. Even those of us who pride ourselves on keeping our word in business or to f

Gifts of a Joyful Spirit

© 2013 by guest blogger Deah Curry PhD Living in the United States, it’s hard to miss how Christmas has become a main materialistic event. With all the sales and pressure to out-give everyone on your list, and the media tracking spending as the prime measure of a healthy populace, it’s almost un-American to resist going into debt for inflated holiday expectations. And in the process, something more important gets lost – the gifts of a soul-satisfied, joyful spirit, such as: T

Coping Through the Holidays

© 2013 by guest blogger Frieda L. Ferrick, LMFT The holidays can bring up loss right in your face especially if you newly are experiencing the death of a spouse or partner. There it is, carols, lights, presents, drinks and extravagant foods, and there you are sad, lonely, upset and not really wanting or ready to be in the holiday spirit. So what can you do? Are you allowed to take care of yourself during this time of year without feeling that you are bringing everyone else do

Alone On The Holidays?

I remember how I felt the first holiday after my divorce. My children were 5 and 6. Their Dad had remarried and they were expecting a child. I could not stand the idea of being excluded from a family circle. I love the holiday season and still do. Even though the marriage was not a proper match, at least I had a feeling of belonging. I anticipated the pain of feeling disconnected. What to do? Step 1- Acceptance Rather than grab onto the next guy who came along I knew I needed

Is Your Self Esteem Getting Undermined?

Copyright 2013 by Roberta Gallagher You never feel secure in the relationship. You’re constantly asking yourself if you are as demanding as he / she says you are. You are constantly making excuses to friends and family about his / her behavior. If your partner is emotionally controlling you, it may be subtle, but it winds up being devastating. When you want the approval of your partner more than you want your own happiness and peace of mind, this gives them an unfair advantag

Relationship Betrayal and Affairs

Copyright 2013 Roberta Gallagher Are you torn between two lovers? Feeling in turmoil about having an affair? Know both are likely to feel betrayed no mattered what choice you make? Falling love – or infatuation — with two people at the same time can quickly move from initial excitement to confusion, anxiety, and dread of discovery. And it’s one of the most painful of relationship situations to be in. Evaluating what to do when you don’t know how to make a choice between the t

Willingness to Change Increases Intimacy in Relationships

“I am who I am!” It’s a statement I hear often in the context of couples counseling. I always wonder:are you saying you are not capable of change? Sometimes this kind of take it or leave it declaration is said in frustration, as a defense against feelinganxious, depressed, or pressured. It’s worth examining whether you are feeling guilty or disrepected when you hear yourself say such a statement. But another possibility is that this is a request for acceptance. Saying I am

Change as Opportunity for Empowerment

Copyright 2013 Roberta Gallagher When was the last time you made an empowering change? Yes, change can be scary, frustrating and seemingly slow. But it can also bring fresh opportunities for learning and growth. Changing something in a part of your life that is outside your relationship can give you and your partner something new to discuss, and an additional area in which you can be supported. It’s an empowering act to embrace and implement change — one that enhances self

Talking about right vs. doing right

Many years ago I read a story about an author who in order to enhance the ability to sell his new book about telling right from wrong – forged a testimonial from a brilliant well known person who wrote extolling the virtues of his book. It was an excellent book but it was rejected because the publisher believed we cannot write about something with authenticity unless we live it. I knew a person of great renown who seemed to understand the moral and intellectual virtues in the

Promises

Copyright 2013 Roberta Gallagher Ever since human beings could speak to one another, they have been making promises and keeping them or not keeping them. Those who keep their promises are regarded as people of integrity, while those who don’t keep their promises are regarded as people who at best, can’t be taken seriously and at worst, can’t be trusted. Sometimes we forget how powerful our words are, and we use them haphazardly or unconsciously, creating expectations that are

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Anxiety / Depression – That Dark Cloud Over Your Relationship

Pitfalls of Trying to Fill the Void Within

Ending a Relationship with Grace and Gravitas

What You Need to Know about Caring vs. Codependence

Women on the Rise -- Breaking Stereotypes

The Art of Apology -- a 4 Step Process

Social Media & Texting -- Modern Face of Betrayal?

Don't Settle. Be Strong

Being Seen, Heard & Cherished

Silver Linings and Simples Pleasures

New Year’s Resolutions Couples Deeply Want

Gifts of a Joyful Spirit

Coping Through the Holidays

Alone On The Holidays?

Is Your Self Esteem Getting Undermined?

Relationship Betrayal and Affairs

Willingness to Change Increases Intimacy in Relationships

Change as Opportunity for Empowerment

Talking about right vs. doing right

Promises

Reserve Your Time

with Roberta