A common mistake people make is thinking another person will complete them. You feel a void in your life and fill it with the wrong kind of relationships. You may bounce from one relationship to another, looking for someone to make you happy, but never connect. Love can definitely make life more full, but as a couple's counselor, I can tell you the wrong kind of relationship can exacerbate the problem. Even if you are with someone who can be a good partner, you can't be becau

Okay then, if you are reading this thinking I am singing always look on the sunny side of life, you are right. And wrong. If your best friend is afflicted with a terminal illness I would not be advising you to look on the bright side. I do believe and have experienced creating a memorable, happy Thanksgiving by planning ahead. You can be sitting on the pity pot and thinking that everybody’s in a relationship but you. That is an irrational thought since 44% of American over

Copyright 2014 Roberta Gallagher Prior to the 1970’s the term co-dependency did not exist. The 70’s was a groundbreaking time in mental health. The great minds of the time were against labeling human beings. I agreed and still do. And yet, maturity is the ability to hold two views (paradox) and see the truth in each. Judge for yourself. The benefit of creating diagnoses is in creating a way of seeing a group of symptoms so people can identify when help is needed. In addition,

Copyright 2014 by Roberta Gallagher Substance abuse damages marriages. Often the alcoholic or addict betrays, lies, is irresponsible and unavailable. Their defenses include denying, minimizing, rationalizing and blaming; not very attractive. But, you may be surprised to know that when couples are committed and the addict addresses this primary problem, they can heal without compromising their integrity or principles. Committed relationships don’t end because of betrayal they

I had been tyrannized by cultural expectations of what my Valentine’s Day was to look like. This caused me no end of disappointment. Now I am very excited because I am not interested in romantic stuff as defined by commercialism. I have declared to my guy that he is off the hook from now on. I would rather have a potluck party with a few close friends and talk about our gratitude for the ordinary things our partner does for us. And if we are not partnered, talk about our grat

A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. ~Richard Bach If this is true, why do so many of us settle for anythin

I have been thinking about how and what I want to write about in 2014. And here’s what I’ve realized, dear readers — you have been most responsive when I write about my personal experience. To do that I have to dig deep and expose not only my passion for life but my struggles. It’s similar to what I ask of you in counseling. I am no different than any of you out there. I share with you writings that inspire me because I want to inspire you. I have no difficulty in expressing

Guest blogger © 2013 Deah Curry PhD Do you ever keep your New Year’s Resolutions? Me neither. Often that’s because they are too idealistic, or made about things we think we should do to be a better, healthier, person. Then a few weeks later we call it spiritual enlightenment to forgive our own flaws and accept ourselves just the way we are. Ooops, there goes that diet we never wanted to be on anyway. Even those of us who pride ourselves on keeping our word in business or to f

Copyright 2013 Roberta Gallagher What courses did you take in school that taught you how to be connected to other human beings? If your education was like most, you were taught no skills and given no information to help you successfully and comfortably interact with the human race – let alone, with your intimate partner. Yet you may be expecting yourself to “naturally” have the skills and information to be successful with this most important part of life. Consequently, a deci

Copyright 2013 Roberta Gallagher Assumptions are dangerous. When unexamined, mistaken beliefs form a faulty reality. When we respond to our assumptions as if they were accurate, conflicts in the marriage or between couples inevitably arise. Are you holding this relationship damaging assumption? My Partner Never Changes Operating with this assumption creates feelings of invisibility. Feelings of being invisible to your partner creates a longing to be noticed which in turn pote